The Emails We'd Like To Respond To, Once More
It’s time to dig into the overflowing Fabbaloo mailbag once again.
As a major worldwide publication, we are awash in emails arriving from all directions. Many of these emails are quite welcome, as they are product announcements, clarifications, questions and some merry banter between industry folks.
But some are, well, a bit different.
Actually they are not different, but misdirected, inappropriate and/or sometimes plainly insane. In the past we’ve often reviewed them via stories you can read and enjoy. It’s the response we’d like to give them, but didn’t. Previous episodes here:
Now, we’ve managed to collect a few from the past period for your reading pleasure. Please note: these are actual, real emails sent to us by presumably live, conscious and thinking people. Enjoy!
Would you be interested in an Email list of High School Band Directors? We have 4,000+ contacts of High School Band Directors across the USA.
Why, certainly we would be most interested in high school band directors, who clearly have very high interest in reading about 3D printing matters! Send all at once!!!
I have the mandate of the NATIONAL INFRASTRUCTURE DEVELOPMENT BOARD here in [REDACTED AFRICAN COUNTRY] to write and inquire about your company products for a possible government procurement contract.
My company is registered by the aforementioned Agency to operate as government contract negotiator and facilitator. My commission in every successful contract awarded through my recommendation is 2% of the total value. My commission is payable after the contract has been consummated and the seller receives full payment in their account.
I have considered your products to be of interest and would like to know if you will be interested to participate in the tender. A comprehensive details on the procedures will be provided on hearing from you.
When do I send you my credit card information?
Useful news and insights in optical product development
I’m quite sure it is VERY USEFUL and INSIGHTFUL. But would have been a lot better IF YOU ACTUALLY INCLUDED IT.
Please send me the price list for 3d metal printers
Oh, that’s really easy: WE DON’T HAVE ANY.
Dear Fabbaloo representative,
I am interested in having sleeping capsules for hotel usage, I have seen you had similar objects printed with a 3D printer. Could you please tell me more about this method; including the advantages and disadvantages .
Thank you, anonymous requestor, for your most intriguing enquiry! We have indeed 3D printed many capsules in our underground laboratory, although none have technically undergone an actual sleeping test. The advantage of our capsules is their ease of printing; we can print them ALL DAY LONG! The single disadvantage, and I’m not sure if this would matter to you, is their size: approximately 15cm length.
It’s clear that live streaming can really help you get traffic from FaceBook and YouTube that's glued to your video content. And now you don't need to go live to livestream!
Who is David?
It was brought to my attention by colleagues that you manufacture 3D parts and I would like to propose cooperation with your company. Please find attached a number of files of parts that we would like to be printed in ceramic material.
I would like to speak to your colleagues, who obviously have NO IDEA WHAT WE DO.
We are looking our city design for 3D printing include Mountain, Road,Building Can u do this service
Can we 3D print mountains, roads and buildings? That’s quite ambitious, but we think we can actually do the job. We’ll just require your credit card number in advance. Oh, and as you have not specified the dimensions required, we will be shipping them to you in a leftover shoe box.
Thank you very much for your reply
YOU’RE VERY WELCOME! But Ben is not here, he’s with David.
Oh please, you can do better than that!
Dear Clients Thank you for your support in the past. We are leading manufacturer of UV DLP projector in China now and introducing a new full HD 1080P UV DLP projector for you. It is not only cheap but also of good quality.
I’ve never heard of a cheap and quality item before, this is quite interesting.
Please find attached Enquiry for the subject project as follows:
(1) Excel sheet BOQ,
(2) Tender specifications sheet (Item wise).
Request you to please carefully read provided Tender BOQ & Tender specifications & send your best competitive proposal along with specified required accessories, (If additional accessories asked in tender specifications, please quote the same in separate head in your offer) with below details:
(1) Ex-Factory price (Please quote Ex-works Price with Packing Charges, Documentation charges, handling charges etc. (if any) which is applicable on Ex-works Price.
(2) Please send Catalogue/shop drawing (as applicable) of offered model.
(3) Shipping Volume of your quoted Equipment,
(4) Gross Shipping Weight of your quoted Equipment,
(5) Manufacturing Lead Time of your quoted Equipment,
(6) Pick-up Address, please provide,
(7) Your Offer Validity required till 30.06.2019, please must confirm the required offer
validity along with your offer which is required by the Owner in Tender.
(8) HS Code (Custom Tariff Heading Code) for all Quoted Models separately.
Please treat our request on priority basis & send requested Offer by Today.
I’m sorry, but we don’t have a chocolate cake 3D printer, as described in your very detailed request. If we did have one, it would be dedicated to making cakes for our own consumption. That seems far more fun than filling out all those forms!
[A FEW HOURS LATER]
Can you please update the status for our request on both item (Chocolate Cake Printer & Chocolate Cake 3D Printer) Quotation with Catalogue by today at the earliest.
I am [PRESUMABLY FAKE NAME REDACTED] is a professional marketing manager cum writer at [NAME OF INKJET CARTRIDGE SCAM COMPANY REDACTED]. I dip into your excellent resource page at Blog Url.
I would like to deliver unique content for your website that will help for user-engaging and traffic. If you are interested please let me know then I'll send you the title suggestion. You can also give me some ideas or latest topics that you want to get live on your website.
Looking forward to your positive response
Well, [PRESUMABLY FAKE NAME REDACTED], I am afraid I must provide a NEGATIVE RESPONSE as we are not interested in 2D paper / inkjet stories on our Blog Url. We have enough user-engagering going on already.
Do you offer article placements on your site: Fabbaloo.com
- We would get the English article written which will fit the nature/topic of your site.
- In the article there is a good chance there will be a link going to a gaming/betting review site, which will be very well integrated.
A good chance, you say? Is there a possibility of there NOT being a link to a gaming/betting site in the story?
Hi, fabbaloo. Our company sells [UNRELATED MECHANICAL PRODUCT]
I find your website by google
i want to submit unique article with [UNRELATED MECHANICAL PRODUCT] to your website.
can you give me two permanent dofollow backlinks to our website?
if need to pay for you some money, we can pay for you
Thanks for reaching out, Brain, great to hear from you! While we are not particularly interested in [UNRELATED MECHANICAL PRODUCT], we are very interested in the pay-for-you-some-money part. Can you tell us more, Brain?
Thanks for your response. If you are interested, I will send you an article on 2D printing.
[ACTUAL RESPONSE:] Hello, you may have missed the part of our guidelines that says "We are specifically not interested in stories on other unrelated topics, especially 2D paper printing”. We cannot publish this material.
Long time no contact, hope everything goes fine, here writing to inform that we are offering car smoke leak locator.
Yes, it’s been a long time, dear. Everything is indeed very fine. So fine that we do not require your smoke leak detector.
I wanted to confirm if you can provide 3D Printed piezoelectric materials for tobacco products in US.
I’m trying to figure out how one would use piezoelectric materials in tobacco products? Do you bend and twist cigars to create electricity? Does that make them taste better? Regardless, we have not recently been 3D printing piezoelectric materials for tobacco products, many apologies.
Was interested to know if you guys could arrange a Wall printer for my company ready to pay whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes? That is a big question, and we think big. Very bigly! But sorry, we have no wall printers here, nor do we know what they are.
Nice to meet you :)
This is [PRESUMABLY FAKE NAME] from [COMPANY NAME REDACTED]. It’s glad to hear that you are on the market for aluminum nuts.
Yes, indeed. It’s definitely aluminum nuts we need. We need many aluminum nuts. Many.
I have some clients who need good sites so we have found your site which is good but our budget is not high so please give us price for fabbaloo.com
we need dofollow link
we will pay you through paypal
need time for paying 3 to 4 days because only need verification from client
you can trust on us because we will not cheat you as we receive payment from client we will forward you..
We are always interested in anonymous emailers who will not cheat us. And we will not wait.